And Then I Woke Up
by MonkeyPajamas
Summary: Short story following the Allie/Weller scene from 2.02.


Author's Note: Don't own 'em, don't sue me.

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Kurt stared at the ultrasound. She was pregnant – _pregnant_. He groaned, taking another drink of scotch. How did this even happen? Her words echoed in his head – "I'm pregnant," "Your kid too," "If you want to be a part of this kid's life," … What the hell _did_ he want?

Weren't these ultrasounds supposed to be hard to see or something? Like, wasn't that what everyone always said – it looks like a squirrel or a blob or something? He tried to think back to when Sarah had joyfully shown off her ultrasound, over a decade ago now. He couldn't remember anything except for her waving the picture around. Of course, he had been happy for her, happier still when she announced it was a boy. He stared at the image in front of him some more. This baby was clear a day. He could see the head, even the little legs were stretched out. This was a real baby, just as Sawyer had been back then. But this time, it was _his_ baby, _his_ kid. In less than six months, he would be a father. Regardless of what he decided, how much he participated or didn't in this child's life, he would still be a father.

He sighed, glancing at the now empty bottle beside him. He couldn't really blame her for not telling him sooner. The last time they had spoken was when they broke up… when she accused him of having feelings for Jane.

He leaned forward, closing his eyes, holding his head in his hands, unable to stop the flood of emotions that overcame him. The memories of everything that had happened in the past three months ran through his head. Mayfair being framed for murder, arrested, and now murdered herself. His father's deathbed confession, after Kurt had finally forgiven him, after their family had finally started to heal. That rainy night, finding Taylor's body. Then a few nights later, having to bury her again, alone, trying to give her the peace he had been seeking all those years. Jane's betrayal, and now the NSA insisting they work with her again, acting as if nothing had changed. Sandstorm.

And now, Allie was pregnant. And he was going to be a dad.

"I think you'd made a great dad," Jane's words involuntarily entered his mind.

When she had first said that, all those months ago, it actually seemed possible. Maybe he really could be the type of father to play catch with his son on a Saturday morning. Read them bedtime stories and make up silly voices as he went along. Hold his daughter as she fell asleep after a long day. That he really could be the type of dad he wanted to, the type of dad his father was before.

But now he realized that even still, he was imagining doing all of that with Jane by his side. Both of them together, watching _their_ child take their first steps. Listening as _their_ child said mama and dada. Playing in Central Park together as a family. It felt like he had been punched in the gut. Even after everything that happened, he still couldn't get her out of his mind. He still pictured a future with her.

He had known Allie for years. Even when they dated, and it had gotten serious, it was never anything real. They never had planned a future together, imagined having a family together. It was always fun, a meaningless distraction. This was never supposed to happen.

But it was. He was having a child. Not with Jane, not even really with Allie. He would be alone, the single parent, sharing custody with Allie, maybe only getting to see his child every other weekend if he was lucky. Sawyer had barely seen his dad since the divorce. What would happen if Allie suddenly decided to move? Would Kurt suddenly be thrust into that same situation – a phone call every few weeks, a visit maybe once a year, at best?

Even if Allie stayed in the city, and he saw this kid as often as he wanted… could he really be that father that he imagined? The type of father he wanted to be? His job demanded so much. It took everything he had. He knew the worst of humanity and it was his job to protect everyone else. He could be flying off across the country in a moment's notice. It never mattered before. But now, how much would he be missing? The baseball games, the first steps, the moments that you can never truly get back. He knew how dangerous this job was, the risks he took day in and day out to keep everyone else safe. Could he really do his job if he was worried about making it back home to say goodnight?

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes once again. How the hell did he get into this mess? Allie was supposed to be just a fling, a distraction from his broken heart. But they had made a careless mistake, and now both their lives had been changed forever. He opened his eyes, staring at the ultrasound image once again. His fingers gently rubbed over the picture. He knew. This was his baby. And he was going to do whatever it took to be a good father. This kid deserved that much.

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I apparently like writing these little deleted/extended scenes. And then I post them and the show proves me all wrong. Oh well. That's part of the fun.

As always, feedback is much appreciated. Favorites, follows, and especially reviews. Thanks.


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